Allow me to recount a story. While away I had two people staying in my room. A young couple. Models. Young models. A young couple of models in serious need of role models. When I arrived home yesterday at 5am, my poor German roommate Sophia came out of her room and told me that the last four weeks had been a truly horrible experience. First things first, they had a dog in my room. As you may have already noticed, I like a lot of things, and dislike very little. One of the few things that I dislike, is dogs. Good thing I wasn’t born a pikey. “D’ya like dags!?”
I walked into my room and was immediately smashed in the nose by the overt, overwhelming and overpowering stench of dog. Not only that, but there was dog hair everywhere, and three neat little brown stains on the carpet. Oh joy! I later found out that the (not so) model roommates had eaten everyone’s food, not cleaned up after their dog, been generally rude and obnoxious, AND after checking the mail, I found not one but two letters from neighbours saying that they were more than happy to look after the dog that kept crying out in the courtyard for three days at a time. It turns out the couple weren’t as interested in looking after the dog as they were in eating what was not theirs, and had left it locked up in the courtyard outside my bedroom when they went out to do whatever it is that they do. I guess that’s what you call beautiful cruelty.
But, every cloud has a silver lining, and after voicing my displeasure to the modelling agency, they were swift to dispatch a carpet cleaning service. The lovely folks at You’ll Say… WOW Carpet Cleaning did a fantastic job of shampooing, vacuuming and deodorising my carpet, and it’s now sparkling more brightly than when it was brand spankin’ new.
The moral of the story? A more rigorous screening process for sub-letters, and if that fails, two words should do the trick. Booby. Traps.