Photo: Katherine Lowe
1. Members of the Los Angeles Police Department drive around on these amazing three-wheel mobility scooters when they’re patrolling the big, bad suburban malls of the city. The trikes come complete with a siren, flashing blue and red lights and a maximum speed of 18 miles an hour (28 km/h). That means if they were chasing Usain Bolt, he’d outrun them every single time. Elderly folks however, wouldn’t stand a chance.
2. Los Angeles cops carry a lot of weapons. My two friends above both came packed with a pistol, a taser, pepper spray and an extendable baton perfect for breaking wrists or jaws.
3. Their tasers have two little darts that both need to hit you in order for the electricity to flow. Once connected, they’ll blast you with 50,000 volts, enough to stop any large male from walking for quite some time.
4. “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” Nonsensical, but direct quote. Also, “We don’t shoot to kill, we shoot to stop.” And, “We shoot to protect lives but not property.”
5. They’ll happily pose for photos (and flirt with your female friends) but sadly won’t let you hold their guns.
I LIKE YOU!