1. 17 Snooki lookalikes.
2. 100+ insane tattoos, including, but not limited to: BROOKLYN4LYFE, a roaring Ed Hardy tiger that covered a guy’s entire back, butterfly tramp stamps by the dozen, a horny little devil.
3. One FDNY vs NYPD beach volleyball tournament. The firefighters looked to be taking out the match.
4. Six buildings surrounding the beach that looked suspiciously like prisons. Or forts.
5. One army helicopter flying low in the sky.
6. One mohawked DJ playing hits from Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Nickelback and Creed.
7. Four marquees set up giving away free six inch sub sandwiches, but no free drinks.
8. Five American flags.
9. Three The Situation lookalikes.
10. Zero people actually in the water.