#1970 The facts of life – tales from New York

1. The great thing about New York is the worst thing about New York: It’s so easy to get swept up in everything the city has to offer that you end up waking up after a solid week of partying and realising that your career isn’t progressing at the same rate as the bags under your eyes. Moderation is key.

2. After a year of emails, blog comments and Tumblr questions, I finally met Lawrence Schlossman aka L.A.S. aka SartoriallyInc aka HTTTGAP IRL on Thursday night. That guy is even better in the flesh than he is online. Nothing beats a dude who lives up to his internetting persona.

3. Celebrity sightings thus far stand at two: Justin Long at Schiller’s and Naomi Watts on Bond Street. Totally unconvincing photographic evidence of both, here and here.

4. I visited the talented Park and Bond team on Friday afternoon, and while there, I mentioned that I’ve spent a lot of time on Bond Street but it must be a different one from the one in their name because it doesn’t intersect with Park Avenue. They laughed. Turns out Park and Bond is a fictional intersection and I’m the guy who didn’t get the metaphor.

5. Did you know that in a parallel universe named The Life Of A Model, girls get to eat and drink for free at really, really expensive bars and restaurants? Hard knock life.

6. Did you also know that if you’re a guy who’s accompanied by a big group of models you can sometimes piggyback on the same deal? It’s like when your Dad flies into the city for the weekend and takes you out to a restaurant and at the end, when you’ve finished dessert, you fumble around in your back pocket for your wallet in a semblance of politeness. Just like that – dinner’s free, and you’re still the shortest guy at the table.

7. On the flipside, those same girls are crammed into model apartments, two, three or four to a room, and charged rates upwards of $2000 per month for the privilege. No wonder they want to eat for free.

8. New Yorkers talk big. If you believe everything you hear, pretty much everyone you meet is on the brink of superstardom/untold success/launching their own personal IPO.

9. I danced so hard on Saturday night that while performing a particularly exuberant shuffling move, I bumped the corner of a table and ripped the back left pocket clean off my pants. True story.

10. It is amazing how quickly things happen in this city. You meet someone one day, they’re your best friend the next. You go out a couple of times and hang with a group of strangers and three days later you’re staying in their apartment and walking their dogs while they’re at work. Back in New Zealand that sort of thing usually takes at least a week.


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  1. Grady McNeil says

    New Yorkers also talk annoying. When I was there last year I learned to limit eye contact to a minimum otherwise bam! I was handing over the green to some poor sucker who convinced me to fund their ailing sports team/drug habit/petition for blah blah/life. God I miss that city.

  2. isaaclikes says

    These are my favourite trousers of all time. They’ve been patched more time than a gang veteran. But I’m not giving up on them yet.

  3. isaaclikes says

    Not to mention those guys who stop you and make you listen to their mixtapes and then make you buy their mixtapes. This is the city for hustlers.

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