#2156 The facts of life

Me, bleeding.

1. Yesterday, in a fit of misguided heroism, I attempted to catch a glass that had fallen on the bench and toppled over the side. Only what I didn’t realise until my hand was wrapped around the rim was that it had shattered upon impact with the counter top. Blood sprayed – on the wall and the floor – and I proceeded to swear both violently and repeatedly as I attempted to stem the flow. Then, as I was applying pressure at various points and running my hand under cold water, my nose started to bleed. Oh, sweet irony. Did I mention hemophilia runs in the family?

2. It’s Barkers’ 40th anniversary celebration this week and to celebrate, they’ve released an archive of their old campaigns. My findings: The 80s were a very good time for the company, and they definitely need to bring back both the classic triangle logo sweater, and the three guy logo embroidery (but maybe in a tee or sweater as opposed to a baggy teal hoody – those bad boys will move units. Happy Birthday, Barkers!

3. According to this study, people who spend money on food, travel and other experiences tend to be happier, more extroverted and better liked than people who spend money on material things. In short, you should take a hiking approach to life: Take only photographs. Leave only footprints!

4. You know what I find really lame? People who commit Facebook suicide but then keep coming back to it repeatedly. You’re not making a statement if you don’t stick to it! Have a bit of backbone and quit it forever. Or, better still, quit your whining about the perils of social media and how you long for anonymity and move to a different country where nobody knows or cares who you are. Like China. Ni hao, b*tches.

5. My best good friend Sheida was mortally offended that I didn’t give him a shout out in yesterday’s post about people I look up to. One time, about seven years ago, we were talking about our mates and he said to me: “Oh man, Kona is so funny, I never laugh as much with anybody as I do with that guy.” I was not a happy chappy. But since I am a forgiving type, I will add an extra honorary mention to the people who I personally look up to: Sheida Barten Hancock, because of his truly admirable sense of humour – I never laugh as much with anybody as I do with that guy. Clippity clop.

6. So Raf Simons got Christian Dior. Congratulations to him, it’s going to be seeeeck. My question is this – will he take Dior Homme off Kris Van Assche? That’ll be the only way to really tell who’ll win in the impending smackdown that is Simons vs Slimane. Round 1: FIGHT!

7. Quote of the week, from Abdu’l-Bahá: “Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time.” Which begs the question: I have this friend who really likes this girl. Only she’s in one country and he’s in another. Should he be patient and wait a month for her to arrive, or should he jump on an aeroplane? What to do, what to do?

8. Slutever is my favourite blog. Forget the title for a second (not to mention the gratuitous penis shots on the homepage) – this site is brilliant because it gives real, honest, often hilarious answers to young people’s questions about sex, love and relationships. Plus, founder Karley Sciortino has just been given her own show on Vice.com, which is pretty much the best thing I’ve ever seen. First ep: Dating 101, in which she interviews her devoutly Christian mother, a relationship counsellor and a neurological scientist about love, how far is too far to go on the first date and the qualities to look for in a potential mate. I emailed her once when I was bored in Berlin and she replied, then I replied and she never replied. It was fun while it lasted. But I digress. Read it!

9. Drake’s new video for HYFR featuring the man at his real-life Bar Mitzvah, aged young; then at his re-Bar Mitzvah, aged 25, is a fascinating juxtaposition of life as a Jewish rapper, and to be perfectly honest I’m amazed the Synagogue allowed him to shoot it at all. Equally fascinating – this essay by Rembert Browne about that same juxtaposition present in Drake himself: On one side as a rapper trying to be taken seriously in the game; and on the other as an upper-middle class Jewish kid from Toronto (I can obviously relate). Read it, watch it, listen to it.

10. And in breaking news, Tom Bull just shaved his beard off. YOU READ IT HERE FIRST.


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  1. Olivia McCaskill says

    1. Oh dear… 

    7. Story of my life right now… should I go over there, or should I wait for him to come over here? Bah humbug. 
    10. OMG. My stalkerish love for Tom has decreased… that is until I see a photo of him without a beard. That beard was manly and caveman-like. <3 

  2. Louise says

    10.  I’m going to spend the remainder of my day sobbing under my desk. Tom Bull has always been the example I shove in peoples faces to prove how much hotter a man is with a beard NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

    I had lots of awesome responses to all your other facts of life but reading #10 has filled my soul with sorrow and darkness and I can’t bring myself to focus on anything else.

  3. isaaclikes says

     Louise – do not deny me your lots of awesome responses to my facts of life. You know I need you.

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