#2177 The facts of life

Opening Ceremony’s awesome new sweaters.

1. I love Girls and hate Girls all at the same time. The female characters suck, the male characters suck and everybody acts in the most cringe-inducing ways. One girl stands in the doorway of a guy who treats her like dirt crying about how much she cares about him; all he can respond with is a crack about her eyebrows. Another girl (from a privileged background) tells a group of poorly paid nannies that they should unionise; and loses the kids she’s supposed to be looking after in the process. Another girl hates her boyfriend for smothering her with love; so he writes a song about it and performs it to her and a crowd of 25 people at a bar in Bushwick. It’s basically just Jersey Shore without the Ed Hardy tee shirts. The only half-decent character seems to be the unemployed, goateed Dad, but you know he’s going to make a pass at his school-aged kids’ babysitter. So why can’t I stop watching it?? Somebody desperately needs to write Boys and I think that somebody should probably be me.

2. The Avengers? Seriously? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

3. It’s not a detox if you break it after one day.

4. Why is it that when you send someone a YouTube link to a song they’ve never heard before it’s always amazing but whenever someone else does that to you it’s always god awful? The mind boggles.

5. Somebody very wise told me yesterday: ‘No tattoos is the new lots of tattoos.’ Truer words have never been spoken. (I hear that one tattoo of a half man, half zebra on your left buttock cheek is still totally awesome though. Clippity clop.)

6. I saw Jeremy Lin at a club on the weekend – fun fact: He’s only 6’3. Linsanity! In happy news, his lack of height didn’t appear to deter the female patrons; all eyes were on him all night long.

7. I have this friend who won’t go for runs for fear of rolling his ankle, but who will pick up girls at dive bars every weekend and sleep with them without a condom. Priorities = all time high.

8. At the risk of sounding terribly politically incorrect, does anybody else ever wonder if someone saying, “I’m a vegan,” is sometimes just their euphemistic way of saying, “I have anorexia”?

9. The definition of darkness: Singing a song about how heartbroken you are that your husband has left you for another woman, written for you by your husband who left you for another woman. Whoever said Abba’s Bjorn Ulvaeus wasn’t a stone cold killer didn’t know what they were talking about. The Winner Takes It All, everybody.

10. Don’t ride motorbikes. I need all the readers I can get.


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  1. Guest says

    Possibly the best Facts of Life ever. I love it when you manage to blend humour, tragedy, and weirdness.
    Number 7 – I admit; I laughed.
    Number 8 – Absolutely. And I’m speaking as someone who has been there. 

  2. says

    You love Girls because the characters are so accurate to real life, watch my damn YouTube links because I have sent them to you specifically because I think you’ll like them, the vegan thing is pretty accurate and STD’s are not funny. You can die from some of them. You can get gonorrhea from a blow job. I bet that guy is a bloody male model. 

  3. isaaclikes says

    I dunno… If you’ve already got millions in the bank is a few extra consolation? I think I’d rather have an unbroken heart.
    Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

  4. isaaclikes says

     The Girls characters are ridiculous but yeah maybe they are accurate. But how sad is that?

  5. isaaclikes says

     Thank you for your honesty (and your kind words). I swear Number 8 is true way more often than we would imagine.

  6. says

    But Isaac I know a vegan who got chemical poisoning and literally can’t eat anything but veges and fruit. And all the vegans I know aren’t anorexic, but that’s just me, I don’t know as many models as you.

  7. sarah says

    tatoos. well i really hate them and have managed very well to bite my tongue when my son admires cool guys with their tats, thinking that the minute i say ‘goddamn it kid, you’ll get a tattoo over my dead limp body’, he would run straight to the palour. however on a recent visit to Hawaii, after seeing 50+ year old mothers and fathers with fading tattoos on wilting skin,  he finally decided it wasn’t such an awesome thing to do. Thank you middle America!

  8. says

    Will you please, please start writing ‘Boys’?  Us girls need to know what’s going on there; I mean, the people who read your blog have you but until that’s everyone, it’s your duty to inform the rest of the world.  I love/hate girls because I see myself in it and want to punch myself in the face for being so ridiculous/irrational, similar to how I feel when I watch Nina on Offspring.  Yikes.

  9. pineapple says

    girls is great, I don’t really have a huge problems with the main characters. Lena Duham is really talented. It’s funny and realistic

  10. pineapple says

    oh and on the vegan thing, yeah I think that is kind of accurate but not for everyone. I had a vegan friend with an eating disorder 

  11. Yiggy says

    Oh my god, 8 is me! I have too many female friends that turn suddenly ‘vegan’ here in Milan and I ask myself: ‘Hmmm… Vegan or just interested in losing a bit more fat?’

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