|Opening Ceremony’s awesome new sweaters.|
1. I love Girls and hate Girls all at the same time. The female characters suck, the male characters suck and everybody acts in the most cringe-inducing ways. One girl stands in the doorway of a guy who treats her like dirt crying about how much she cares about him; all he can respond with is a crack about her eyebrows. Another girl (from a privileged background) tells a group of poorly paid nannies that they should unionise; and loses the kids she’s supposed to be looking after in the process. Another girl hates her boyfriend for smothering her with love; so he writes a song about it and performs it to her and a crowd of 25 people at a bar in Bushwick. It’s basically just Jersey Shore without the Ed Hardy tee shirts. The only half-decent character seems to be the unemployed, goateed Dad, but you know he’s going to make a pass at his school-aged kids’ babysitter. So why can’t I stop watching it?? Somebody desperately needs to write Boys and I think that somebody should probably be me.
3. It’s not a detox if you break it after one day.
4. Why is it that when you send someone a YouTube link to a song they’ve never heard before it’s always amazing but whenever someone else does that to you it’s always god awful? The mind boggles.
5. Somebody very wise told me yesterday: ‘No tattoos is the new lots of tattoos.’ Truer words have never been spoken. (I hear that one tattoo of a half man, half zebra on your left buttock cheek is still totally awesome though. Clippity clop.)
6. I saw Jeremy Lin at a club on the weekend – fun fact: He’s only 6’3. Linsanity! In happy news, his lack of height didn’t appear to deter the female patrons; all eyes were on him all night long.
7. I have this friend who won’t go for runs for fear of rolling his ankle, but who will pick up girls at dive bars every weekend and sleep with them without a condom. Priorities = all time high.
8. At the risk of sounding terribly politically incorrect, does anybody else ever wonder if someone saying, “I’m a vegan,” is sometimes just their euphemistic way of saying, “I have anorexia”?
9. The definition of darkness: Singing a song about how heartbroken you are that your husband has left you for another woman, written for you by your husband who left you for another woman. Whoever said Abba’s Bjorn Ulvaeus wasn’t a stone cold killer didn’t know what they were talking about. The Winner Takes It All, everybody.
10. Don’t ride motorbikes. I need all the readers I can get.
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