|Steve Coogan. Photo: Haw-lin|
1. Today I made an inappropriate joke to someone – thinking I was being hilarious – and then discovered that the joke topic was something that had actually happened to them and was therefore the opposite of funny. It was bad and I’m too embarrassed to say what it was, but I will tell you that it wasn’t as terrible as a rape joke but it was worse than a your mama joke to someone whose mama is deceased. In honour of my awkward day, this Facts of life is devoted to things I find awkward. Enjoy.
2. Telling my roommate’s girlfriend how much I hate his redundant, unattractive and impractical briefcase, only to discover that she bought him the briefcase for his birthday. :-/
3. Young teenagers on the subway. They’re always touching each other and talking about weird, embarrassing, vaguely sexual things way too loud. I know they’re just over-compensating for their crippling self-conciousness but I can’t deal.
4. The voices people use when they talk to dogs as if they’re small humans. It makes my skin crawl.
5. Guys who fall for girls who obviously only want to be friends with them, and who drop hints in the form of ‘This girl I really like who doesn’t know I exist even though I’m RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.’ Don’t be that guy. It’s okay to just be friends with girls. Did you fall in love with your Mum? No? Then don’t fall in love with every other female who happens to be nice to you either.
6. Anybody who ever says someone is out of their league. They probably weren’t until you said that, but now they most definitely are.
7. My friend who won’t remain nameless *Jack Tame* when he gives homeless people five dollar notes and makes everyone else around him feel guilty and mean.
8. When girls laugh hysterically about things that aren’t really funny with their other girl-friends. What is up with that??
9. Anybody who doesn’t censor themselves around young children/elderly people/my mother. Don’t drop the c bomb when there’s a kid in the room! It’s so simple!
10. Feeling like I’m trying to be a model while I’m taking outfit posts.
Bonus: Awkward turtles.
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