#2244 These Are My Confessions

1. I’ve gotten a lot of free stuff over the years as a fashion blogger. Like a lot. Everything from colognes to clothing to cameras to condoms; PR companies will stop at nothing to get their products out into the public eye. I have always prided myself on the fact that I never hock my freebies to turn a profit. Lots of people do, but something about it makes me feel seedy or dishonest. Sure there was that one pair of Karen Walker sunglasses I put on Trademe back in 2008 when I couldn’t afford to pay my rent, but that was the only time, I swear… Until yesterday. I was recently given something that I am never going to use that was worth quite a lot of money. I’m not going to say what it was at the risk of offending the people who gave it to me, but yesterday I thought bugger it, what’s the point of this gift sitting in my bedroom gathering dust when it could be enjoyed by someone who actually wants it. So I posted it on Craigslist. For $400. It sold within seven minutes. And I didn’t feel guilty about it at all!

2. Sometimes I tell a story so many times with so many wild exaggerations that when I recount it again years later I don’t even remember which bits were true. An example that I’ve told hundreds of times: My parents got married six weeks after they first met. The reality: Four and a half months. Does that make me a compulsive liar or a great anecdotalist?? I just don’t know anymore!

3. Someone asked me a question about whether or not I was doing the Baha’i fast (March 2nd till the 20th) which I answered in the affirmative today on Tumblr. Only thing is, the question was asked in March 2011, and I didn’t answer it back then because I was secretly snacking at the time. :-/

4. I tell people I’m 6 feet tall (183cm) when really I’m only 5’11 and two thirds (182cm). That one centimetre has ruined my life for the past 10 years.

5. I like to tease my friends who watch the Zeitgeist documentaries because it’s so easy to get them all riled up about how the US government DEFINITELY DID NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH 9/11. I’ve never even watched Zeitgeist so I don’t know what I’m talking about but it’s too entertaining to stop.

6. I also get mad with my friends when they don’t a) read my blog; b) agree with my opinions; and c) go to my choice of restaurant. I justify it by telling myself that my tantrums are endearing. They’re probably not.

7. I pick my nose in public all the time, but apparently LeBron does too, so I’m in good company.

8. And sometimes I pee in cups in my bedroom when I can’t be bothered walking to the bathroom. But doesn’t everybody do that!?

9. I may have been the ex boyfriend that Katherine Lowe was talking about here.

10. I have a tattoo of a half man, half zebra from the movie Freddie Got Fingered on my glorious left buttock cheek. I got it on my 21st birthday and it was the symbol of my youth. It still makes me giggle like a squealing newborn every time I catch a glimpse of it in the mirror. Do you hear the funny sound??? IT’S MY HOOVES!!!

11. Sometimes I put photographs of my three year old niece doing funny things on Instagram just to get more likes. See above.

I LIKE YOU!

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Comments

  1. Mila says

    Wow! Confessing while fasting. And I thought Baha’is didn’t believe in confession. How do you feel now? Relieved to have admitted all these dire misdemeanours? I hope they’re a weight off your mind my friend. :-)

  2. sarah says

    i thought maybe she was the thing you got that was valuable, that you didn’t really want, that sold in minutes on craigslist, and wasn’t really surprised because she’s is a-dor-able, and really the only reason i read this post was to see where on earth she came from, i’d love one just like her! ( i had one but she grew up ;-/)

  3. Ric James says

    What does Jenny think about you toilet habits?

    I always knew I was taller than you.

    I love a good nose pick. There’s nothing quite like a good clean out up in there.

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