Anon asks: I have a dilemma: I’ve been really good friends with a guy for a few years but about eight months ago he confessed his love for me. I said I didn’t share his feelings and just wanted to be friends, and since then sometimes he gets really mad/jealous when I hang out with other boys, even if they’re in the friend zone. God forbid if I was seeing someone! How can I change this and go back to how it was?
Yo! This is the second question I’ve gotten about friends crossing the line this week, but the other one was from a girl who kept hooking up with her best friend and then feeling heartbroken when he’d pull away afterwards. Both of you were basically asking how to change the other person’s feelings for you, and the short answer is: You can’t.
Your friend is in love with you and he can’t have you so of course he gets jealous over you with other guys. But that’s on him. You were clear from the get-go that you only wanted to be friends, and as long as you haven’t given him any hope that your feelings might change, then you’re keeping your side of the street clean and you can’t be blamed for his emotional outbursts.
That said, there’s something not entirely friendly about spending a lot of time with somebody when you know they’re in love with you. I can see what you’re getting out of the relationship — i.e. the validation and ego-boost that comes from somebody being obsessed with you — but what’s your friend getting out of it other than hurt feelings?
You need to have an honest and frank conversation with this guy. Let him know that your feelings aren’t going to change. Tell him it’s inappropriate for him to be getting angry with you when you’re spending time with other male friends, and that if he continues to behave this way then you’re going to have to cut contact with him.
What else can you do?
Hope that helps.
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