Anon asks: Hey Isaac, I just moved to a new city and my roommate’s brother asked me out on a date. I had gone on a few dates with him in college, but was never that into it. He’s great on paper and I adore his sister, but I just can’t get myself to really connect with him. I’m also still heartbroken over my ex, which doesn’t help. I feel like this can only end badly… Tell me how to politely decline a date without making things awkward with his sister?
Hey, gidday mate! I totally understand your predicament. Clearly, you have every right to say no (in as polite a way as possible), without a single shred of guilt. But isn’t it amazing that this is something you even have to think about?? The mind boggles.
As far as I can tell, the best way to handle the situation is to tell him that you appreciate him asking you out and you’re more than happy to hang with him as a friend (that is, if you do want to be his friend), but that you’re not interested in him romantically. Honesty is the best policy.
If your friend attempts to intervene or sell him to you, just be honest with her, too: “Your brother is a great guy, but we went out a few times during college, I didn’t feel a spark, I still don’t, I just wanna be friends.”
Don’t say you don’t want to be dating anybody right now because you’re still heartbroken over your ex, because if you do actually end up meeting someone your roommate might be like, “WTF?” And don’t do anything to lead him on.
I imagine the brother will take you up on the friendship offer. Guys appreciate honesty and it’s always nice to know exactly where you stand with a guy or girl because then nobody gets confused.
Hope that helps.
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