Anon asks: I feel like I’m going crazy. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me in February and I’m still so stuck. I think about him every single day, even to the point where I dream about him. I miss him so much. I tried dating to get my mind off him and although the guy was nice, I just didn’t feel the connection or attraction like I did with my ex. I feel like he was the only one for me. But he has moved on. I don’t contact him anymore, but he is still in my mind and it hurts. I don’t know how to deal with breakups. What can I do?
The honest truth is that your relationship didn’t work out. You weren’t right for him, and I bet he wasn’t right for you, either. I know your self esteem has just taken a gigantic beating, but it doesn’t say anything about you as a human being, it’s just the way it is. It happens to us all, it’s incredibly hurtful and painful and devastating and sad, but it’s life. This experience will make you a stronger person in the end, it’s just gonna take you a bit of time to get there.
1. Surround yourself with people who care about you a lot more than they care about him.
2. Throw yourself into work/school/the gym/learning a new language — aka anything that will take up a large chunk of your time and give you a sense of achievement in the process.
3. Behave with dignity and self respect. Always remember that people will only ever treat you as well as you treat yourself.
4. Delete him on every social media channel, even Facebook. It doesn’t have to be forever, but just until you can face seeing pictures of him without feeling terrible about yourself.
1. HAVE SEX WITH HIM. EVER AGAIN. Sex does not equal love. In this situation it’s like a drug that will make you feel like you’re together again for the moments it lasts, and then tear you apart when he gets out of bed and tells you, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea if I stay the night, you know? We are broken up and all.”
2. Stalk him or keep track of his movements. That includes talking to your mutual friends about what he’s been up to, or incessantly checking his Instagram/Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr, or turning up to places where you know he’s going to be.
3. Talk about your breakup or heartbreak all day, every day with your friends. They’ll get over it really quickly and you’ll end up being kinda boring to be around. That’s what therapists are for.
4. Try to be friends. I promise you you can be friends in the future, it just takes a while to get there.
*This is a shortened version of a much longer post about how to deal with breakups, which you can read here.
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