Anon asks: Hey Isaac, my ex broke up with me in April. We gave each other a good amount of space, but he’s suddenly come back into my life, texting me and emailing me sporadically. The sting of the breakup is over now, but his reaching out makes me think there’s still something there, even though I can tell he’s just keeping me at arm’s length. I know I need to ignore him, but I just can’t do that. He’s a great guy and I’d love to date him again so should I just be short with him? Or continue to be friendly?
Hey, gidday mate. Is he such a great guy? I’m not so sure. Obviously I have the benefit of being able to look at the situation with no emotion whatsoever, but it sounds to me like he’s being selfish and you’re allowing it.
Whether it’s conscious or not, your ex must know the extent of your feelings. Hell, it’s probably a pretty good ego boost for him when you guys talk and he hears that you wish the two of you were still together.
You said it yourself: “I know I need to ignore him.”
Why? Because he causes you emotional pain. Sure, you could probably play hard to get and he’ll pay you a bit more attention and maybe even convince himself that the two of you should get back together; until you actually do, and he realizes that nothing has changed and the relationship isn’t for him (which he already knew).
Like Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different result.”
Take control of your life and make the adult decision to leave it alone. Stop contacting him. He’ll get the message pretty quickly. Read this. It might help.
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