Anon asks: I’m in a relationship, but I recently saw my most significant ex-bf at an event from afar. We couldn’t talk in person, but he DM’d me on Insta saying I looked amazing. We started texting daily and just “clicked” again. I didn’t see him again for a month. Nothing happened when we met up with friends, but I was so attracted to him it was scary (and mutual). I’ve actively stopped contact, but is it normal to still have a “thing” for him?
Hey, gidday mate. Yeah it’s normal. You can’t have a longterm intimate relationship with somebody without them leaving some lasting impression on you.
For you and your ex, that impression is manifesting itself in a physical attraction, and I imagine that if the two of you gave into that attraction, the results would be explosive.
For about 30 seconds.
Then, once the post-coital glow had worn off, you’d very quickly fall into the old routine of the relationship: The bickering, the resentment, the silent treatment, the tension, the anger, the hurt feelings, the nagging thought that if he would just change a fraction of a percent, then everything would be perfect.
The truth is, he won’t have changed, you won’t have changed, and the two of you won’t have changed together. We are who we are, and unless you’re the extreeeeeme exception to the rule, you guys had a relationship that didn’t work.
In conclusion, yes, it’s normal to still have a thing for your ex. In theory, it might be great. In practice, you’ll just be going straight back to square one. Best to let sleeping dogs lie.
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