Anon asks: Hey Isaac! I’m a freshman in college. In my first week, I met this amazing guy at a party. For the next month we were inseparable, and I started getting insecure because he’s a super good looking senior in a big fraternity. So I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said that he wasn’t and that he didn’t want me to either. About a week later I found out that he cheated on me with two other girls!! I broke things off, but as soon as I began to move on I started to see him everywhere, and every time we crossed paths he’d tell me how much he missed me. A couple days ago one of his frat bros came up to me and told me that my guy got his heart broken by this girl and finds it hard to let people in and that I shouldn’t be so tough on him. If he’s talking about me to his friends does that mean he still likes me? I still really like him. Should I give him another chance?
Hey, gidday mate. In a word, NO! The fact that he’s talked about you to his fraternity dudes doesn’t really say much at all. The fact that he tells you that he misses you is kinda irrelevant. The fact that he finds it hard to let people in is very sad indeed, but it’s really not your problem.
The reality of the situation is that he told you he wasn’t seeing anybody else and that he didn’t want you to see anybody else, then hooked up with two other girls behind your back. And this was all within the first month of the relationship!
What else do you need to know? He cheated on you, you’ve been obsessing about what MIGHT have been ever since, and now whenever he pays you any attention it plays directly into that obsession.
Let’s say I came to you and told you about a girl that I liked who told me she wanted to be exclusive with me, then hooked up with two other dudes behind my back, then told me she had trust issues and that she was really sorry.
Surely you’d tell me to stop being an idiot right? I’d like to extend you the same courtesy. Stop being an idiot. Let this one go.
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