Anon asks: I met a girl a month ago. We hit it off and it’s progressively getting deeper and moving forward as you’d expect. Quite honestly, I’m falling in love with her. I find myself thinking about her all the time. When I’m talking with friends, something she’s said or done is what I relate to the conversation. I know the feelings are basically reciprocal, but I don’t want to come on too strong with her. How do I keep my emotions in check?
Hey, gidday mate. I relate a lot to this question because it’s something I’ve always had to deal with, too. I’m very all-or-nothing by nature. It’s a problem.
When I was younger, I’d meet a girl and declare love within a day or two. Or I’d meet a girl and introduce her to my parents within a week. Or I’d meet a girl and try to convince her to run away with me to a foreign country within the first 48 hours. Great for stories, but disastrous in practice.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doubting the depth of your feelings. But there’s a lot of wisdom in moderation. Where love is concerned, I’ve found that slow and steady wins the race.
The easiest way to avoid coming on too strong is to try and relax, exercise some self-control, hang out with her a moderate amount, and only text her every third or fourth time you get the urge. Be like cologne. A little goes a long way.
Most importantly, don’t put her up on a crazy unrealistic pedestal. In the first flush, everything is exciting and new. Every quirk is cute, every argument is an opportunity to make up, and every potential problem can be glossed over. Every new love interest is a magical unicorn. But we all know that unicorns don’t exist.
The better you get to know her now — avoiding rose-tinted lenses at all costs — the better chance you have of success in the end. Listen to that little voice. If it’s telling you you need to chill out, you probably do. If it’s telling you something’s not right, it’s probably not. If it’s telling you that you just texted her 30 minutes ago, and that you don’t need to tell her what sandwich you ordered for lunch, you probably don’t.
Slow and steady wins the race! Godspeed.
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