Anon asks: Hey Isaac, about a month ago I told my best guy friend that I had feelings for him and he responded by saying that he didn’t feel the same way about me (even though all of our mutual friends thought differently). I was annoyed, mostly because I felt led on, and told him I needed space. He reached out to me last night saying that he didn’t want to stop talking, that he wanted to be friends again and that he was sorry for being “weird” in our last conversation. I’m not sure how to respond or how to go about “forgiving” him. It just seems like the friend zone again to me, but at this point I’m wondering if it’s worth it or if he’s just a player who wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Hold on a second, I’m confused.
From what you’re telling me, he never kissed you or slept with you or even flirted with you outrageously, but your mutual friends told you they thought he liked you. That’s on them, not him.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand how hurtful it can be when you put your heart on the line and get rejected, but I don’t think it’s fair to treat the person like they did something wrong when they were just being honest.
So now he’s reaching out and saying he wants to be friends again, and you’re not sure how to react. Totally understandable.
First things first, if he was a player who wanted to have his cake and eat it too, he would have slept with you the moment you told him you had feelings. He probably would have told you something like, “Let’s just stay friends,” straight after, too. Imagine how bad that would have felt. But he didn’t do that, he was honest, and then he gave you space.
If you don’t feel like you can be friends with him, you’re well within your rights to cut contact forever, or at least until you achieve a level of detachment where you don’t feel upset when you’re in his company.
But if you want to try and be friends with him, you need to stop feeling like he did something wrong. I get a lot of questions from guys about how to get out of the friend zone with girls, and the answer is simple: You can’t force someone to like you, but you can decide whether or not you want to spend time with someone who makes you feel rejected.
If this guy makes you feel bad about yourself, then stop the relationship. It’s as simple as that. But if you feel like you can get over the romantic feelings and have a positive platonic friendship with him, then by all means do it.
Hope that helps.
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