Anon asks: One of my best guy friends recently got out of an eight year relationship. A couple months after they broke up we ended up hooking up, and then a month after that we hooked up again, but it’s super confusing — he’ll say one thing then act a different way and when I try and have a conversation about the situation for some clarity he won’t respond. Now we haven’t talked in two months despite being best friends. I have very strong feelings for him, thoughts? Help!
Hey, gidday mate! You’re either dealing with someone who:
a) doesn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with an intimate relationship right now due to his coming out of an eight year relationship
b) doesn’t want to deal with anything right now, period
c) was looking for an easy rebound and chose one of his best female friends which was a bad choice because her feelings got in the way, and he was looking for something easy and simple
d) all of the above
The two of you are at extremely different places in your lives. He’s just come out of a heavy longterm relationship, and like anybody doing that, he probably wants to go and see what else is out there that he’s been missing out on all those years. By sleeping with you, one of his best friends, he probably chose the wrong person, because like you said, you have very strong feelings for him, and when you try to talk to him about it, he runs away.
He’s just gone through the emotional wringer, so he’s probably looking for emotional shallowness right now, not emotional depth. You’re coming at him with questions and emotions that he doesn’t even want to know about right now, thus his radio silence.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you’re being annoying or troublesome, you’re trying to act like an adult. The problem is that you’re directing your adult emotions towards someone who is not in a position to go there. You’re speaking to him in perfect French, and he’s a person who only knows English and doesn’t want to learn another language right now.
He can’t meet you where you’re at right now, and if you can’t meet him where he’s at, he’s not going to want to get involved. The problem with this is that meeting him where he’s at is going to put you in a super emotionally vulnerable position, so if I was you, I’d steer clear of him.
Actions speak louder than words. Listen to his actions!
Hope that helps.
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