Anon asks: My boyfriend and I have struggled with communication since day one. Five months ago he broke up with me for being “too flirty” and because “our personalities are too different”. I spent two months working on myself and eventually we got back together. In the first month he showed he hadn’t changed at all, I called him on it, and things have been amazing ever since. However, two days ago in a drunken argument he broke up with me. The break up didnt last longer than a night’s sleep, but how can I still trust him?
Hey, gidday mate. Let’s call a spade a spade: Maybe you can’t trust him. Maybe you guys aren’t right for each other. Maybe you’re whipping a dead horse.
People who are in happy relationships don’t break up; don’t go on breaks; don’t fight and say, “IT’S OVER!!!” then take it back, then do it all again the next time they’re drunk.
Some people just aren’t compatible as a couple. The longer it takes to figure that out, the more painful it is.
Sorry if this all sounds terribly pragmatic and boring, but the fact is — if you’re in a relationship with someone who makes you feel insecure and unhappy and fearful and anxious then WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE RELATIONSHIP?
When the bad times equal or outweigh the good times then you’re in the wrong relationship. Simple as that.
One last thing: I have been in about 1700 situations where I broke up with a girl and then got back together with her on repeat, and I can tell you from personal experience that the love/excitement/romance/anticipation/desire/happiness I feel in the first few days/weeks of getting back together is EXTREME. I can also tell you that it dies pretty quickly the moment we start realizing that we’re still the same people we were BEFORE the breakup.
Square pegs/round holes.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the luck. But I am a firm believer that life is too short of unhappy, stressful relationships. They take way too much brainpower that would be better used in other places.
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