Anon asks: Hey Isaac, my boyfriend and I broke up last night. Today was Day 1 and I was determined to stay positive, abide by your Dos and Don’ts of breakups and try to see everything as a learning experience. That being said: I’m scared. I’m scared that someone else won’t come along. I’m 31, looking for a new job and suddenly single again. The clock feels like it is ticking and I’m going to turn into one very lonely mad hatter without an important (and sexy) date. Does the fear subside?
Hey, gidday mate! I feel you so hard! Really and truly. I relate on all the levels.
Here’s the thing: It’s 2017. 31 is the new 21. That sounds trite and ridiculous, but let’s face it, IT’S TRUE. People are getting married and having kids way older than they ever did in the history of the earth, so you, my friend, are a spring chicken with many many years of life and love ahead of you.
I can tell you from personal experience that if you follow that Dos and Don’ts list, you’ll get through the breakup a lot easier than if you slip on any or all of the things. The big ones for me are being strict about no internet stalking, and cutting contact. The most important thing is to ACT OUR WAY TO RIGHT THINKING and not the other way around (trying to think our way to right action).
Don’t get me wrong, following that Dos and Don’ts list isn’t going to magically repair your aching heart, but it definitely definitely won’t prolong your misery. I’ve gone through breakups where I did all the wrong stuff, and the outcome was that I masochistically prolonged my heartbreak for an actual year longer than I needed to. WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT ISH??????
Especially in our early 30s!!!
The most important thing to remember is that you’re going to be just fine. We’re all going to be just fine. It just takes time. The fear is natural. It’s the most normal thing in the world to be worried about never again finding love or the perfect job or the next sexy date, ESPECIALLY days after a breakup.
But that’s all in our minds. When we’re sad and vulnerable, our minds tell us crazy junk that’s not true. “I’m unattractive. I have nothing to offer anybody. “I lost the one person who will ever love me.” “WHO WOULD WANT TO EMPLOY ME ANYWAY?”
ALL THAT IS CRAP! CRAP! CRAPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!
Focus on yourself, do the things you need to do to be happy, and one day at a time, you’ll get your courage and confidence and mojo back. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.
THAT’S AN ISAAC HINDIN-MILLER GUARANTEE.
Got a question you want answering? Ask me here!
I LIKE YOU!