Anon asks: Hey Isaac. This guy I’ve been seeing is so hot and cold. Whenever I’m not paying him attention he calls and texts and wants to make plans, but the moment I act interested or text him first, he’s aloof and nonchalant and too busy to hang out. I got sick of it and cut it off a few weeks ago, but he came back and started pursuing me again this weekend. Is there a way I can act to keep him interested without him disappearing again?
Hey, gidday mate! I have the perfect solution for you to keep this guy interested forever.
If he texts you, don’t reply. If he calls, don’t answer. If you run into him on the street, tell him you’re too busy and can’t stop to chat.
The thing is, some people just want what they can’t have. It’s as simple as that. This guy is like the cat and you’re like the piece of string — when it’s hard to pin down, the cat chases. When it’s right there for the taking, the cat loses interest and walks away.
Yes, you can allow him back into your life and go through the song and dance routine again, but the likelihood that he’s going to behave differently is extremely slim. My mum said something so good to me the other day: “Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior.” In this situation, all signs point to everything being exactly as it always was.
So unless you can force yourself to act nonchalant and aloof and cool and unavailable, he’s probably going to disappear the moment you show any indication that you like him. Because he’s not interested in you liking him, he’s interested in the challenge of a chase.
I don’t know about you, but I am not an aloof person. Behaving that way does not come naturally to me. So whenever I try to act like I don’t care, I usually last about a week or two before my head explodes and I flip out like a crazy person and say a bunch of things I regret because the pressure is too much for me to handle.
Maybe you’re cooler than me, but I can’t do it. It’s way too much effort.
And after I’ve gotten a little distance from a person who makes me want to behave in those ways, I generally find that I’m much happier single than I am chasing after someone who is unavailable. And when I’m not obsessing over a nightmarish humanoid like the ones we’re talking about, I’m typically a lot more open to meeting someone who might be nice AND available. Who knew!?
I vote you don’t go back.
I LIKE YOU!